Aging Sucks

Aging really sucks! Everybody knows it, but I keep trying to tell people that we are all just like fine wine: we improve with age. Of course I’m lying through my teeth, and and everybody knows that, too!

All those old sayings such as “you’re only as old as you think you are” and “age is just a number” make me want to throw up. Getting old sucks and it doesn’t matter what you think or pretend.

If you don’t believe that, just ask anybody who’s old. Some will lie and tell you they have no problems, they’re feeling great and all their kids love them. The truth is that most of them are hoping they don‘t go broke, most days they feel like they’ve been hit with a baseball bat and they know their kids are just waiting for them to die so they can collect their inheritance.

My favorites are the people who loudly declare that they refuse to give into aging. These are the people who’ve had “work” done and may look great, but who don’t feel any better than the rest of us. Looking young isn’t the same as being young. They don’t seem to get that! Worse yet is the fact that they often look weird after their treatments. A young face on an old neck is a pretty awful sight!Some of them are out there running on the beach, traveling and playing tennis. Everybody around them thinks they’re supermen. Behind closed doors, they can barely walk and can’t wait to get to the chiropractor.

It is true that some people do keep their health and their teeth for most of their lives and are able to enjoy themselves. These seniors are the minority. The rest of us spend most of our time juggling heating pads, ice packs and pain pills while trying to remember which doctor we’re supposed to see.

The elderly just love to hear the politicians discuss the looming cuts in Medicare and Social Security. They wonder when it was that any of those guys had a doctor who closed the door in their faces because he was no longer taking their insurance or when they were ever forced to choose between medicine and food. (See: Why Medical Bills Are So High)

Yes, old age is wonderful. At 40 my eyes went, at 52 my joints started bothering me and at 58 I had my first hip replacement. Two more followed that one and a fourth is looming. Along the way my back and neck started degenerating and I got breast cancer to boot.

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself there for awhile, until I realized that every single older person I knew was having joints replaced or was suffering from some awful disease. Misery loves company.

There’s an old joke about a drunk that was sitting next to a fat, ugly woman at a bar. She said “You’re drunk”. He said, “Yep. But in the morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be fat and ugly”. After I adopted this kind of thinking, I felt much better. I might have been missing a breast, but I was still more attractive than many women who still had all of their parts!

When I look in the mirror I see a gray haired, wrinkled, slightly obese senior citizen who is missing three body parts, has ingrown toenails, plantar fasciitis, tendonitis in her right hand, neck pain, back pain and other sundry ailments.

I can’t wear dress shoes or high heels or strapless dresses anymore and I’m allergic to just about everything. If I’m not in bed by ten, I’m nonfunctional, so partying is out these days.

My main activities include setting up doctor appointments, cancelling doctor appointments, changing doctor appointments, keeping track of doctor appointments, fighting with doctors and hospitals about billing and insurance issues and, oh yes, a little gambling at the local casino.

On the other hand, I have a husband who loves and cares for me, friends, and a roof over my head, food to eat, money in the bank, a big screen TV and a computer. I am warm when it is cold and cold when it is warm, and I have a comfortable bed. I know a lot more than I knew when I was young, and I can look back on a lifetime of wonderful experiences.

The most important thing is that although aging does suck, I’m still standing. That’s got to be worth something!